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Yes, my thoughts are.

Recently I am doing quite some research on my application to the UK, visa application, how to deal with JPA (Public Service Department of Malaysia) etc. I too, as other same-batch-scholar, am the first time experiencing all these.

So, the thing is this: there is this Facebook group I joined which gathers prospective ICL students and have discussions about any doubts regarding the school, the process or anything related. I read that quite a number of the group members have a lot of questions regarding the application.

Now, my thoughts: I couldn’t understand why they can’t read up the information from the ICL website, that are so useful and almost can answer all my doubts, I believe it would also apply to them. Frankly speaking, I believe almost everyone has an easy access to the Internet nowadays, and so it is super handy to search for information, from Google or from whatever sites. I sometimes feel a little absurd that MAYBE people don’t put in enough effort when they should, instead they rely on seniors and news from friends or friends of friends. It isn’t that hard to email any relevant department to find the answer to your questions, is it? But yet I don’t see many people doing it (of course I can’t see LOLOL).

Here comes the contradictions I give to my awful thoughts: First, what are these has got to do with me? I shouldn’t judge. Secondly, there are so many members in the group, and only a few of them constantly have questions (though some may have but they never ask). Obviously the main point of them posting questions is to find answers! How can I say that they do not put in effort when they actually bother to ask in the group. How can I say that when they bother to share information with the other members including me? How can I say so when some of the questions answered cleared my doubts? How can I say so when I can’t know if they are doing?

And I come to a conclusion: I am selfish. Because I do a lot of research myself and share my knowledge with other people I feel unbalanced inside me. I feel that what I got in return is much less. But I know I shouldn’t be thinking like this, I should help other people when I can, because I know one day I will need help from them. I am glad that I am now aware of my bad thoughts, so I can now be a better person, constantly reminding myself to be more helpful in life.

I want to tell myself:

I am sorry.

Please forgive me.

Thank you.

I love you.

Because I am a human, a social creature, and cannot live on my own. I know I am lucky than most of the people in this world, and I am grateful. That is why I need to learn to give and take. To help and to be helped.

What a wordy post I have here. I am glad I grow a little wiser today! Hope you who read have a great day! 🙂

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